Many a latter year college student laments that by the time they got the
hang of living large they were already moving on in life. Here then is some
collected wisdom from the suits on how to party like Rick James during your
undergraduate years.
First off, partying is about living in the moment. If
you’re a depressed drunk, change it. There is nothing worse than having someone
start crying when you’re all out crunkin. Leave the baggage at home. Similarly,
don’t get drunk to get drunk, get drunk to party. A party should always be a
celebration.
Part of living in the moment is being uninhibited. Who
cares what the social ramifications of your actions may be, they come after the
fact. The expression ‘loose cannon’ suggests something that gets out of control
and knocks a few things over. Those things aren’t other people on the dance
floor or punks on the street, they’re social norms. In the right context doing
an interpretive dance to ‘I’m too sexy’ is fun and funny instead of
narcissistic and pretentious; same goes for ‘I touch myself’. Be that person.
Some people struggle to divest themselves of inhibitions
unless they are inordinately drunk. This is unfortunate. Relax a little in your
sober personality. Squeamishness and prudishness are lame and boring, but being
driven home in a trolley to lose those qualities is no good either.
Another reason to avoid excessive intoxication is that
drunks have a habit of ruining the end of nights. They spew in people’s beds,
can’t get it up, and overshoot their house on the walk home, passing out on
some poor family’s porch instead. Being a ‘loose unit’ is cool, being a mess
isn’t.
Don’t try to party non-stop. KE$HA is not a real person.
She doesn’t actually brush her teeth with a bottle of Jack. ‘The moment’ must
be tempered with the ongoing. If all you do is coast from one drug haze to the
next you aren’t getting anything done. Memories are derived from protracted
endeavours as much as from outrageous benders. Graduation is as much a
celebration as inter-hall ball.
Find good reasons to party and when you decide to have a
crack do it properly. Don’t come to that music themed party dressed as a member
of Silverchair, ‘cos that ain’t a costume. Dressing up as a member of KISS
might be out of your price range, but a Bon Jovi leather jacket and wig aren’t.
Always find way to give it an extra 1 per cent—that is where the memories are at.
And please, please, learn to dance. The floor is a place
of wonder and magic; it is sullied by clapping and the flood of bogans who
arrive for K-San. In the words of Nate Dog: ‘get yo ass off the wall wit yo two
left feet, it’s real easy just follow the beat, don’t let that fine girl pass
you bye, but look real close cos strobe lights lie.’
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