People use the personal pronoun too much these days; It’s
like Cody Simpson’s pop masterpiece ‘iYiYiY’ has become the anthem of the aptly
named i-generation:
“Every minute, every second, every hour of the day, I, I, I”.
Whether they’re writing in Woroni, underlining exactly who the words coming out of their mouth
belong to, or hijacking everyone’s valedictory dinner to talk about themselves
for 5 minutes, it’s always I, me, my.
There are three reasons why thinking that you’re special
may land you in the sad sack: unfulfilled aspirations, an emphasis on extrinsic
motivation, and becoming a tosser.
Let’s explain those in reverse order. Consider the
following quote from one of those people you keep on your newsfeed to give you
material for your Woroni articles:
“As of this week, myself and several other brilliant
individuals have started...”
Perhaps you’ve conflated your brilliance and the shine of
that mirror you’re holding, Narcissus. Here’s another quote, from a past issue
of the ANU Reporter:
“As a teenager, I committed myself to right wrongs and to
fight for justice...my story begins there”.
A new hero emerges in the fight against evil: immodest
man!
This one is the best, from an article about 6 human
rights activists that opened with a giant photo of the author instead of one of
the nominees!
“As a human rights activist, I know too well the
unwavering determination needed to defend the rights of society’s most
vulnerable and marginalised”.
The author wins the #humblebrag gold medal in perpetuity.
Using the personal pronoun in a note about how special
you are is basically making others watch you masturbate. Not the best way to
win friends. And research shows (trigger warning: empiricism) that friendship
is important to happiness.
Incidentally, if you think there are lessons in your life
that you want to share with others, remember that only your mum cares about
your successes. Everyone else is only interested in what they can learn from
your failures.
Let’s turn now to extrinsic motivation. It’s hard to be
certain that you’re special when you don’t know what’s special about you. You
know you’re a unicorn that poops rainbows, yet people don’t seem to be able to
differentiate you from the other barista-cum-novelists. Why don’t people notice
you? Why are you still labouring for the minimum wage? Why hasn’t that cute
indie girl realised how fetch you are?
The three values alluded to at the end there were fame,
money and sex appeal. Collectively, Andrew Ryan and other psychologists
interested in self-determination perspectives on happiness call these the
extrinsic motivations. They’re hard to achieve, dependent on the validation of
others and aren’t strictly related to something you fundamentally like doing.
As a result, pursuing them is unlikely to make you happy.
Unfortunately, if you think you’re special and desperate
for recognition, there is a good chance you’ll turn in this direction. Indeed,
you may even alienate all your potential friends by writing an article about
how special you are to get attention.
Finally, aspirations: an insight that has been around
since Buddhism is that when your expectations don’t match reality you will be
unhappy.
Sadly, it is statistically impossible for us all to be
rich, for us all to have meaningful jobs and for us all to be beautiful. Thus
the likelihood that your life will actually match your special expectations is
low, so maybe reconsider your unicorn status.
Let’s end on a positive note. If you’re not special, you
might still be able to produce something that is as long you don’t focus on
yourself.
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